INTERMISSION THERAPY ARTICLES

When Life Needs an Intermission

Caring, compassionate, creative, and knowledgeable, are just a few words that describe the therapists at Intermission Therapies. They absolutely love what they do and are a group of very enthusiastic clinicians. All of the therapists consider it a privilege to be able to offer support, encouragement and coping skills. They authentically enjoy having people seek them for counseling services and are committed to helping people rediscover hope, peace and wholeness. There are several qualities about Intermissions Therapies that make it a truly unique counseling center.

To begin with, the setting does not resemble a typical office building in any way. It looks like an inviting home from the outside and is professional but comfortable in the inside. It is on a wooded lot one block up from the river in downtown Geneva. The sunny yellow walls, vaulted ceilings, tasteful decorating, gentle music and tea bar are cheerful and welcoming.

Their licensed therapists on the staff have over 65 years of combined experience and expertise in nearly every area from marriage and family to adolescent and childhood issues. What makes them unique is their training in either art or music therapy, which can be a useful tool in providing more insight, ideas and creative solutions than talk therapy alone. The other aspect that makes them unique is that they all share a personal faith, which makes them open to discussing spiritual issues at the clients request, as it can greatly impact one's mental health.

Intermission Therapies was started by Marie S. Egeland 7 years ago. With over 25 years of experience, she has a unique insight into life transition issues for both men and women. Her background is in music therapy and she has an aptitude to think creatively, which helps her to come up with many ideas for solutions to problems. She specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety and couples desiring a future they can both live with. It is her belief that what may feel like a crisis is usually a manageable life transition. It is easy for anyone to feel comfortable with Marie because of her easy going personality, sense of humor and humble demeanor.

Susan Koestler was the first therapist to join Marie. Sue's advanced degrees, years of experience and theoretical knowledge make her an intuitive and trustworthy therapist. She specializes in the treatment of family issues, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-esteem, and grief and loss issues. Children feel immediately safe, adolescents feel accepted and adults feel respected. She believes that play and art therapy can be a useful tool to understand more about her clients and insists that creative expression has nothing to do with talent. Susan feels like personal and family growth can sometimes be difficult and even painful but the rewards of confidence, self-esteem, changes in negative thinking patterns, and restored relationships are worth the hard work.

Nancy Chickerneo recently joined Intermission Therapies. Nancy is certainly one of a kind and has the knowledge and expertise to prove it. She has worked as a therapist for 20 years and specializes in treating clients who suffer from depression, anxiety, childhood abuse, addictions, women's issues, life transitions and stress. She enjoys working with women, men, and adolescents of all ages. She has a PhD in Art Therapy, is a Registered Art Therapist, Certified Addictions Counselor and is certified in EMDR, which is highly effective in treating trauma and unresolved emotional issues. Nancy developed a non-profit organization called SPA Sisters; Spirit, Place and Authentic Self which offers a day retreat and groups for women to grow and deepen in their self understanding using nature, Journaling and creative tools.

Lindsey De Los Santos is also a new addition to Intermission Therapies. Lindsey has been described as easy going, approachable and wise. With a Master's degree in Counseling with Art Therapy, she believes that valuable information can be gained from creative expression. She specializes in working with children experiencing self-esteem and behavioral issues, adolescents and adults suffering from anxiety or depression and families and couples seeking better communication and understanding of one another. Lindsey believes that there is hope in every situation, and is thrilled to provide the support, encouragement and practical solutions necessary in order for her clients to succeed in their journey to a better place.

Everyone faces "hurdles" and experience hard times at some point their lives. It does not make you unique if you are experiencing difficulty and need the support of a trained professional to get through that hard time. By meeting with a therapist, you are better equipped to navigate through those tough times faster and more comfortably. All four therapists at Intermission Therapies excel at what they do and have a tremendous amount of experience helping people move through a difficult time to a place of peace and hope. Please give them a try, they would love to hear from you. Intermission Therapies has affordable payment options, they are in network with BCBS and are accepted by most insurance plans.
~ Lindsey De Los Santos

Tooting Our Horn

Writing for this publication these past 2 years I have been very professional: I have written responsibly about all manner of mental health issues and have never suggested that our practice is a better choice for treatment than one of our colleagues'.

However, with the announcement of the addition of our fourth therapist, I beg your indulgence as I uncharacteristically shed humility and do a bit of bragging about our group.

Your eye has probably already reviewed the photo of the four of us sitting at-the-ready ... eager to listen to your concerns. Do we look genuine? We are! We sincerely want to hear what you have come to tell us. Your story, for the hour reserved for you, is the most important thing in the world to us, as it is to you. What is being said in our office is the only thing that matters. You matter. Everyone needs someone to listen. One of us can be a listener to you.

Each of us have worked in other settings ... hospitals, day programs, schools, and other private practices. A word constantly comes to my mind that sets us apart. Joy. There's a depth of strength and solid character that goes beyond surface happiness. We resonate with your pain, but we do not get lost in it. Our personal morale is high. We take care of ourselves so that we can, in turn, care for you or your family.

We each have training in traditional therapeutic interventions, as well as aspects of the creative arts: Art Therapy, Music Therapy, and Play Therapy. We are thrilled to now have the SPA Sisters (Spirit, Place & Authentic Self program) being run out of our facility, directed by Dr. Nancy Chickerneo. One can be a part of a day long Awakening Retreat and can choose to continue with a six part Wellspring Group. Lindsey De Los Santos, another SPA Sister Therapist on our staff, describes the Wellspring group this way; "If we are born with a spring of life, it gets clouded by our experiences. So we want to clear it out and come back to who we were each designed to be."

Clearing out ... what a terrific description of the therapeutic process. We carry so much unnecessary weight around with us and having a place to set down the burden is invaluable. Bring your burdens our way. We sit ready to listen, to serve, to laugh and yes, occasionally, to weep. "But joy will come in the morning." (Ps. 30:05) That's a promise by which we each live.
~ Marie Egeland
The Suburban Woman of Kane County

Behind Closed Doors

What goes on behind the threshold that connects Intermission Therapies to the outside world? The problem with therapists is that the work they do remains behind closed doors. The client doesn't necessarily tell others about their experience because it is so very private. This month's column serves merely to explore the standard procedure inside the offices that seem so mysterious from the outside.

A licensed therapist has been trained as a professional, with experience for years beyond college. The stringent licensing process required by the state is the end of a long road of classes, papers, exams, internships, supervised clinical hours and ongoing requirements called "continuing education units". Look for that license when you are interviewing a therapist.

A therapist is trained as a listener, allowing people to pour out their pain, heartache, disappointment, confusion, frustration or anger. Then together client and therapist sift through the story, keep what is worth keeping, and leave the rest behind.

Never forget that a therapist's job is to serve. The client is the boss and their practitioner is a person in whom they can trust and confide. The client should never worry about the feelings of their therapist. It is incumbent upon the therapist to engage in good self-care and therefore be fully present to the client during a session.

The first phone call typically allows opportunity for potential clients to have any questions answered. To keep overhead down many therapists rely on a message machine. Do they return a call in a timely fashion? Will they advise about insurance questions? How much experience do they have? Are they warm over the telephone? Do they respect and appreciate the client in that first contact?

The difficulty with therapy lies in the reality that issues are uncovered in layers, and the deeper the issue, the more painful it may be. A therapist listens without judgment and asks questions that cause one to think in ways that are challenging. Openness on the part of the client should be met with respect and encouragement.

When does therapy reach a satisfactory conclusion? Simply put, the therapist and the client look for a time when they agree that the relationship is no longer necessary. The client has grown and deepened to the point where he can trust himself to navigate on his own.

As a therapist of twenty-five years experience, here is what I'd like you to know; ... your therapist is merely another person. However, this will be a singular relationship for you. You are not obligated to your therapist in any way. You are dealing with a professional who expects only that you meet your financial obligations. This is all about you ... this is YOUR time, to use for YOUR better health. You can fully expect to grow, deepen and find relief. Your life is too short, too precious and too important for you to settle for any other outcome. If not now, when?

Is Someone You Love Depressed?

• Lack of Pleasure in day-to-day life

• Poor communication, tendency to withdraw

• Dysphoria – can’t stop thinking negatively

• Reduced or increased appetite

• Increased medical complaints or sensitivity to pain

• Sleep: difficulty falling asleep or early morning waking

• Family history of depression of alcohol abuse

• Feeling of anxiety or agitation, lack of energy, concentration or creativity.

Many of our clients or their significant family members are surprised to learn of what we call “smiling depression”, or to an even greater extreme, “laughing depression.”

These are the people who soldier on, believing that they have no “right” to feel the despair they’re feeling at the core of their being, and they become very good at hiding it from people around them, even the people who would believe themselves to be the closest of friends to this individual.

As time goes on the burden of this “faking it” takes its toll, and even getting two feet on the floor in the morning takes herculean effort.

Talking to a therapist is a great place to start in unraveling the mystery of this inner darkness. Remember … to have fooled others you’ve probably fooled yourself.

Drag yourself to the telephone and dial our number.
(First Cheer!)
Make an appointment and show up
(Second cheer!)
Relax in a comfy chair and tell one of us the real story.
(Third cheer!)
                                 THREE CHEERS!

Verbal Abuse - The Silent Destroyer

 As I’ve listened to people’s stories, I’ve watched physical scars heal, but the deep scars of verbal abuse seem to be a cancer to individual’s self esteem. In a visually oriented culture, the damage of verbal onslaught is minimized. However those who carry its scars know all too well the resulting struggle with low self-confidence, fear of the future, underlying worthlessness, repression of personality and depression of the self.

The word “abuse” is loaded with myriad meanings. The word may conjure fear, defensiveness or misunderstanding. Many people carry a secret shame, and though they may appear to be successful and confident publicly, they expend incredible energy to hide their private ordeal.

In her book The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond to It, Patricia Evans does a masterful job of taking the reader from a point of awareness of the seriousness of verbal abuse, to hope for solution and healing. A client of mine whose eyes were recently opened by Evan’s book calls the verbal abuse that she suffered for two decades her “silent marriage killer”. She shakes her head now, and sadly says that she never understood why her very spirit had died. (Fortunately, it was only hiding … I’ve seen it since!) The Evans book gave my client an understanding and a words to describe her experience. Whereas she was previously verbally abused, she now has found her own voice.

The abuse cycle is generally cyclical, and has three stages; isolate, achieve control, and assert the power position in the intimate relationship. Interestingly, the need for power and control on the part of the abuser is borne out of a deep sense of insecurity. Few humans come into a love relationship with the intention of becoming a repressive and life-sucking adversary. Yet, this person who engages in myriad verbal put-downs is unprepared for the demands and vulnerability of intimacy. As the partner gets too close it becomes possible that she’ll discover his inadequacies. So his “knee jerk” is to push her away.

The she/he pronouns in the above paragraphs are interchangeable. Women can abuse men as well, and because women are more verbal than physical, the tongue can be mightier than the fist. I’ve heard it both ways, and at the risk of oversimplification I’ll put it this way; men abuse women to “make them shut up” and women abuse men to “make them listen”.

From where I sit I see things move very fast once an individual who has suffered abuse decides he will endure it no more. However, remember that he was first isolated in the cycle. Given the chance, I would caution him not to move too fast. Has he built his support system both internally and externally in order to withstand the challenges ahead? Is he fully advised regarding all of his options? Are he physically healthy, financially savvy and mentally focused?

When there are children involved, I often remind clients of the instructions regarding the oxygen masks on an airplane. Be sure you are in a position to breath deeply before you can hope to help the child next to you. And, if there is no child next to you, there’s always a child inside of you. That child has become wise to those taunts on the playground. He or she can be hurt, and with help can also protect the rediscovered spirit.

You will live to laugh again!

Suggested Reading on Today’s Column Topic:

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond to It by Patricia Evans
The Secret of Overcoming Emotional Abuse: Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster and Gaining Control of your Life by (The Father of Cognitive Therapy) Albert Ellis et. al.
Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans.
Boundary Power; How I Treat You, How I Let You Treat Me, How I Treat Myself by S. O’Neil & Charles E. Jr. Newbold